Dealing with Nasty Comments

by Pattie Hughes | More from this Blogger

10 May 2007 02:16 PM

Pregnancy is an amazing and miraculous journey, regardless of the circumstances. This should be a time to relax and enjoy the miracle within. However, sometimes nasty comments from family, friends or even complete strangers can temporarily burst your gestating bubble.

Comments about the number of children you have are annoying. These can come from complete strangers as well as people in your life. When I was pregnant with our fourth baby, this happened to me constantly. I can't even count how many cashiers, waitresses and other random people that commented on the fact that I was having my fourth baby. I know the average family size is two-point-something kids, but are large families really that uncommon?

Strangers weren't the only people who commented on the number of children in our family. We knew we would encounter this from my husband's family. As a result, he didn't tell them until well into the pregnancy. I had to be nearly 20 weeks along before he called his parents.

That's his way of dealing with conflict--AVOIDANCE. I have to say, I highly recommend it. We had a very peaceful first half of pregnancy this way. Of course, his family lives out of state and we rarely see them. It wouldn't work with family that lives close or that you see often.

Comments about the gender of the new baby were nearly as frequent as comments about the number of children. Since we had three girls prior to the birth of our son, people assumed we were "trying for a boy." We weren't, but there was no way to convince anyone of this simple, but true fact. I got tired of smiling and saying, "Yes it's a boy, and no we weren't trying for a son."

Among the most egregious are comments about the size of the pregnant woman. Years ago I worked as a preschool teacher. This was a few years before I became a mother. A close friend and co worker was expecting her second child. A father of one of our students actually came up to her and said, "Wow, you're as big as a house!" She was mortified, and later she was angry.

How you handle nasty comments about your pregnancy will depend on many factors. One is your personality. Are you a person with a quick wit? If you are, feel free to come back with a quick and funny one liner. If you are more reserved, just ignore the comment and walk away.

The other factor is the person making the comments. It's a lot easier to walk away from a rude cashier or old lady at the park than from your mother in law. However you decide to handle the comments, try not to take it to heart. Some people are rude, but often the person is just making conversation or doesn't know what else to say.

Related Articles:

When Your Family Disagrees with Your Birth Plans

How to Tell Your Partner You Are Pregnant

Pregnancy and Holiday Secrets

Learn more about Pattie Hughes

Pattie Hughes is a freelance writer and mother of four young children. She and her husband have been married since 1992. Pattie holds a degree in Elementary Education from Florida Atlantic University.

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veryspecialpeople5 (5) 10 May 2007 05:06 PM

Thank you all so much to your comments about what to say etc when people look at you like you are crazy for having so many kids! I'm new but glad I join because my take on it is I just laugh and say" Life is great! Don't you just love it." You see I have 5 girls/4 girls by my husband the youngest being 16mths and the oldest being 26 years old...I always get the question of having to explain that my children are the aunts of my 11year granddaughter..I've been marry to the same man for 21years and we want more kids, boys, girls we love kids..Now we will cut it off at some point but whose business is it as long as we take care of them! Thank you guys bc I know I'm not alone! I came from a large family, ext family adn we had fun, so I teach my kids to enjoy life and just have fun!

meatloafkend (20) 11 May 2007 05:32 AM

I am 7 months pregnant and can totally relate to this article. However, what I find annoying is the constant insistance that I am "SO SMALL!" Seriously, I hate it when people tell me that. I have gained the necessary amount of weight and continue to exercise. Just because I haven't gained enough weight to feed triplets doesn't mean I am small! It always makes me feel like an unfit mother.

http://www.vbacadventure.com

Pattie Hughes (7652) 11 May 2007 08:11 AM

I got that comment with my first daughter. One person would tell me I looked big and then the next day, someone would say I looked small! My midwife told me that when she was pregnant and people would ask her when she was due, she'd give them a date nine months in the future. She laughed at the look on their faces! That was one of my favorite come back lines for size, but I just remembered it now!