Handling Advice from the Older Generation

by Pattie Hughes | More from this Blogger

I got an interesting e-mail from a relative the other day. Basically the e-mail talked about all the things that parents used to do with children and how "we all turned out fine". This got me thinking about how many times I heard similar things during my pregnancy.

* Fathers stayed in the waiting room in my day.

* You are eating for two. You need to eat more.

* Don't lift your arms above your head or the baby will get wrapped in the umbilical cord.

* You're going to feed the baby what?? Oh use formula, it's easier!

The examples are endless, but you get the idea. Once a woman is pregnant, every woman she knows (and some of the men) will begin to impart their vast knowledge of pregnancy to her. Never mind if the pregnancy was in 1956! As your eyes glaze over, you may be wondering how to handle the situation.

How you should handle it depends on who is speaking and what they are talking about. If the advice is absurd, "I smoked with all 17 of my babies and they are fine!" You will instinctively ignore it. But a first time mom can get nervous about some of the advice. Will the baby really be strangled on the umbilical cord if I raise my hands over my head? Um, no.

In some cases, you may decide to educate Aunt Addie on the benefits to the couple and the baby when daddy is present for the birth. She may surprise you and reveal that she wishes Uncle Fred could have been with her. The conversation may spare your sisters and cousins from having to listen to the same comments later.

Sometimes relatives, such as grandma, may be interested in hearing what you have to say. They aren't ridiculing you. They are simply curious about how things have changed. In this case, enjoy the conversation. Offer articles or books if they are really interested in how you are doing things and why.

In other cases, you may decide it isn't worth it to get into the conversation. Some relatives will always be right, no matter what they are saying. You know who they are. Do not engage. It isn't worth it for your own sanity. In this case, use the smile and nod approach. "Thank you for that information. Can you pass the mashed potatoes?"

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Learn more about Pattie Hughes

Pattie Hughes is a freelance writer and mother of four young children. She and her husband have been married since 1992. Pattie holds a degree in Elementary Education from Florida Atlantic University.

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