Is It Time To Stop Trying?

by Pattie Hughes | More from this Blogger

Nearly every woman who has been through infertility treatments has asked this question at least once. During the six years that we spent trying to have a baby, I asked this question more times than I can count. Infertility is an emotional rollercoaster that is tough to deal with. Each month begins full of hope only to end in tears.

If you are feeling like you can't try one more time, try to sort out your feelings. You may actually be done trying and feeling secure in your decision. On the other hand, you may be feeling conflicted and unsure of the decision. This is not a choice you have to make in one day. Take some time to weigh your options.

Begin by talking to your spouse. How does he feel? Does he feel a strong need to have a child of his own? Have an honest and open conversation about your feelings and expectations for the future. If one or both of you is feeling conflicted and can't sort it out, consider seeking counseling.

If you decide to seek counseling, choose a professional carefully. Ideally, you want a counselor who has experience dealing with infertility and marital counseling. Some infertility clinics have counselors available that are experienced in helping couples. If not, the office can refer you to a professional in your area.

Writing can help you sort out your feelings. You can do this in a few ways. One is to make two lists. On the first list, include all the reasons that come to mind for stopping treatment. On the other list, write down the reasons you should continue trying to conceive. Another way to do this is to write a narrative describing how you see the future with both scenarios.

Make an appointment to talk to your doctor. The couple should attend this appointment together. Have a frank discussion with the doctor and ask specific questions and get his recommendation for future treatment. What is his opinion? Ask about the techniques he would like to try and the effectiveness of those techniques with couples that have similar issues. If the doctor doesn't think you have much of a chance and he is ethical he will tell you.

Sometimes when you feel it is time to throw in the towel, you just need a break. This happened with us. We stopped trying for several months during our infertility years. After a few months went by, I started wondering if we'd made the right decision. Then I saw a teaser for the nightly news. They were doing a story about infertility. I decided to watch.

It turned out that the expert they interviewed was our doctor. As we sat there watching it, we both felt that it was a sign and we should try again. After a long conversation, I called the next morning for an appointment. A few months later, our long wait came to an end and I was pregnant.

Related Articles:

The Effect of Stress on Fertility

When a Friend Gets Pregnant

Dealing with Unexplained Infertility

Learn more about Pattie Hughes

Pattie Hughes is a freelance writer and mother of four young children. She and her husband have been married since 1992. Pattie holds a degree in Elementary Education from Florida Atlantic University.

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