When Dad-to-Be Is Deployed

by Kim Neyer | More from this Blogger

There are currently 98,000 troops in Iraq as of February 28th. How many of those soldiers are expectant dads? How many women in the US are pregnant right now, while the daddy-to-be is across the world, missing every milestone and likely to miss the baby's birth as well? I'm guessing the figure is pretty large.

Pregnancy and childbirth, not to mention raising a newborn, is difficult enough when both parents are present. Adding the pain of missing a loved one and going through all of these events on your own makes it that much harder. In past wars, couples had to rely on letters alone. Technology has not made for perfect communication, but it has helped bring families together and has allowed some troops to witness their baby's development and birth from far away.

If you are pregnant and your spouse or partner is deployed, here are some things you can do to include him during your pregnancy and delivery:

1. Use webcams. A laptop with a webcam and wireless access is the perfect investment for a separated growing family. You and your partner are able to talk "face to face." With the doctor's permission, you can bring the laptop to your prenatal appointments and the delivery, allowing dad to watch as the events unfold.

2. If you don't have access to a laptop with a webcam, record appointments and the delivery, as well as other milestones and memories using a video camera. You can then compile the clips into a movie, save it onto a DVD and mail it to your partner.

3. Take pictures of your belly each week and e-mail them to the expectant father. Wear the same outfit for the photo each week so you can really notice the progress. Also take tons of pictures of the birth with a digital camera so you can send photos to his e-mail right away.

4. Send your spouse a "daddy package" in the mail. Include a box of cigars, photos, an "I'm a New Dad" t-shirt, books about fatherhood, one of your baby's hospital ID bracelets, and any other mementos from the birth.

5. Send him a book about pregnancy so he can read about what you are going through. That way, when you tell him news, he will know what you are talking about!

6. Sometimes, if you are able to contact the Red Cross early enough, your husband might be able to be sent home in time for the birth. At the first contraction, make the call. Still plan on taping the birth just in case he doesn't make it, though.

7. Another option is to arrange for a phone call. Sometimes a soldier might be able to call in for the delivery and that will allow him to coach you through labor and hear your baby's first cries.

Have you had to go through pregnancy and/or delivery while your husband or partner was deployed? What are some things you did to include him in the event?

Learn more about Kim Neyer

Kim is a freelance writer, photographer and stay at home mom to her one-year-old son, Micah. She has been married to her husband, Eric, since 2006.

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