When Your Family Disagrees with Your Birth Plans

by Pattie Hughes | More from this Blogger

25 Apr 2007 07:39 AM

In two past blogs, I've talked about the benefits of having family and the benefits of limiting the people you have present at the birth of your baby. In the end, only you can decide how you want to give birth. Inevitably, someone will have an issue with your decision. This will happen regardless of the choices you make.

If you decide to have family present, you can bet there will be a few that won't want to be there. They may make comments about birth and not ever wanting to see it. This sometimes happens with grandfathers and may hurt your feelings. Try to remember that for the older generations, male presence at birth was not typical.

A more common problem is family members wanting to be present, despite the fact that you have chosen to limit or restrict family in the room. This is typical from the baby's grandmothers. They often want to be present during delivery.

If family members are putting on the pressure, there are a few things you can do. If the family is not familiar with the hospital, you can blame them. Tell family and friends that the hospital has strict rules and only allow one coach in the room during the birth. This method won't work if your sister had a baby in the same hospital last year.

If you are dealing with difficult in-laws, enlist your husband. He may have to lay down the law and tell his mother that you have both decided that you don't want company in the room. If you are willing to let her come in just after the birth, tell her this. It may ease the blow a bit.

Another way to handle the situation is to avoid telling people you are in labor. Your partner can call both families after the baby has arrived. You can avoid having to deal with pressure during labor and have the birth you want. Even if mom is upset, it's over and soon she will be cuddling her new grandbaby and all will be right with the world.

You will have to play it cool if you are planning to use this solution. Grandmothers start calling as the due date approaches. I heard from my mother and mother in law daily from my due date on with each of my babies. They would ask how I was feeling and if anything was happening. If you're in labor during one of these calls, you'll have to try hard to not let them know.

Related Articles:

The Benefits of Limiting Family at Baby's Birth

The Benefits of Family in the Delivery Room

Who Will Be Present at the Birth?

Learn more about Pattie Hughes

Pattie Hughes is a freelance writer and mother of four young children. She and her husband have been married since 1992. Pattie holds a degree in Elementary Education from Florida Atlantic University.

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